currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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