I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize