dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She even gives head with a lisp.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
