I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
