I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Randomize
