I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
