There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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