i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize
