Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
