Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
