this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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