I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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