my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize