Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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