Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just high enough for therapy.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm getting married
To pizza
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
