When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
