I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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