Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I need water and some morals
Randomize
