We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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