You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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