thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
