Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
