It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
