I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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