dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Terrible idea I love it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
