My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
