I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
