I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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