thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
