I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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