I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
