first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
