I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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