i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
