when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
