im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
