so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
