He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
