We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
