I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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