Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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