What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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