Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize