I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Every concussion has its silver lining
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
