Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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