I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
