It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
