Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
