i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
is that a dick in a sweater?
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