so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
