You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't turn off my feet"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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