You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
