he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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