I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
