1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
