i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize
