My friends, they love my intelligence
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
