I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
