Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
