is your mom at the bar?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
