you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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