I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
