I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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