woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize