I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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