At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
