I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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