Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
