Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
