let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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