DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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