I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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