How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
