Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
