the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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