what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
