Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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