actually, I'm a sock model
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So squirting runs in the family.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
