So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
