he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
