is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize