girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
