you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And then he peed in my hair
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