I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
