yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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