Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My vagina is officially offended.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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