Soap is not a condiment
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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