Porn is love you can see.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
