I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
