He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
