One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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